ked! We meet again, Harry!"
Pinned to Lockhart's side and burning with humiliation, Harry
saw Malfoy slide smirking back into the crowd.
"Come on then, Mr. Creevey," said Lockhart, beaming at Colin.
"A double portrait, can't do better than that, and we'll both sign it
for you."
Colin fumbled for his camera and took the picture as the bell
rang behind them, signaling the start of afternoon classes.
"Off you go, move along there," Lockhart called to the crowd,
and he set off back to the castle with Harry, who was wishing he
knew a good Vanishing Spell, still clasped to his side.
"A word to the wise, Harry," said Lockhart paternally as they
entered the building through a side door. "I covered up for you
back there with young Creevey - if he was photographing me,
too, your schoolmates won't think you're setting yourself up so
much . . . ."
Deaf to Harry's stammers, Lockhart swept him down a corridor
lined with staring students and up a staircase.
"Let me just say that handing out signed pictures at this stage of
your career isn't sensible - looks a tad bigheaded, Harry, to be
frank. There may well come a time when, like me, you'll need to
keep a stack handy wherever you go, but" - he gave a little chor
tle - "I don't think you're quite there yet."
They had reached Lockhart's classroom and he let Harry go at
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last. Harry yanked his robes straight and headed for a seat at the very
back of the class, where he busied himself with piling all seven of
Lockhart's books in front of him, so that he could avoid looking at the
real thing.
85
The rest of the class came clattering in, and Ron and Hermione sat
down on either side of Harry.
"You could've fried an egg on your face" said Ron. "You'd better hope
Creevey doesn't meet Ginny, or they'll be starting a Harry Potter fan
club."
"Shut up," snapped Harry. The last thing he needed was for Lockhart
to hear the phrase "Harry Potter fan club."
When the whole class was seated, Lockhart cleared his throat loudly
and silence fell. He reached forward, picked up Neville Longbottom's
copy of Travels with Trolls, and held it up to show his own, winking
portrait on the front.
"Me," he said, pointing at it and winking as well. "Gilderoy Lockhart,
Order of Merlin, Third Class, Honorary Member of the Dark Force
Defense League, and five-time winner of Witch Weekly's Most-
Charming-Smile Award - but I don't talk about that. I didn't get rid of
the Bandon Banshee by smiling at her!"
He waited for them to laugh; a few people smiled weakly.
"I see you've all bought a complete set of my books -well done. I
thought we'd start today with a little quiz. Nothing to worry about
just to check how well you've read them, how much you've taken in -"
When he had handed out the test papers he returned to the front of
the class and said, "You have thirty minutes - start - now!"
Harry looked down at his paper and read:
1. What is Gilderoy Lockhart 's favorite color?
2. What is Gilderoy Lockhart's secret ambition?
3. What, in your opinion, is Gilderoy Lockhart's greatest
achievement to date?
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On and on it went, over three sides of paper, right down to:
54. When is Gilderoy Lockhart's birthday, and what would his
ideal gift be?
Half an hour later, Lockhart collected the papers and rifled through
them in front of the class.
"Tut, tut - hardly any of you remembered that my favorite color is
lilac. I say so in Year with the Yeti. And a few of you need to read
Wanderings with Werewolves more carefully - I clearly state in chapter
twelve that my ideal birthday gift would be harmony between all
magic and non-magic peoples - though I wouldn't say no to a large
bottle of Ogdeds Old Firewhisky!"
He gave them another roguish wink. Ron was now staring at
Lockhart with an expression of disbelief on his face; Seamus
Finnigan and Dean Thomas, who were sitting in front, were shaking
with silent laughter. Hermione, on the other hand, was listening to
Lockhart with rapt attention and gave a start when he mentioned her
name.
". . . but Miss Hermione Granger knew my secret ambition is to rid the
world of evil and market my own range of hair-care potions - good
girl! In fact" - he flipped her paper over - "full marks! Where is Miss
Hermione Granger?"
*100*
Hermione raised a trembling hand.
"Excellent!" beamed Lockhart. "Quite excellent! Take ten points for
Gryffindor! And so - to business -"
He bent down behind his desk and lifted a large, covered cage onto it.
"Now - be warned! It is my job to arm you against the foulest
creatures known to wizardkind! You may find yourselves facing your
worst fears in this room. Know only that no harm can befall you whilst
I am here. All I ask is that you remain calm."
In spite of himself, Harry leaned around his pile of books for a better
87
look at the cage. Lockhart placed a hand on the cover. Dean and
Seamus had stopped laughing now. Neville was cowering in his front
row seat.
"I must ask you not to scream," said Lockhart in a low voice. "It might
provoke them."
As the whole class held its breath, Lockhart whipped off the cover.
"Yes," he said dramatically. "Freshly caught Cornish pixies. "
Seamus Finnigan couldn't control himself. He let out a snort of
laughter that even Lockhart couldn't mistake for a scream of terror.
"Yes?" He smiled at Seamus.
"Well, they're not - they're not very - dangerous, are they?" Seamus
choked.
"Don't be so sure!" said Lockhart, waggling a finger annoyingly at
Seamus. "Devilish tricky little blighters they can be!"
The pixies were electric blue and about eight inches high, with pointed
faces and voices so shrill it was like listening to a lot of budgies
arguing. The moment the cover had been removed, they
*101*
had started jabbering and rocketing around, rattling the bars and
making bizarre faces at the people nearest them.
"Right, then," Lockhart said loudly. "Let's see what you make of
them!" And he opened the cage.
It was pandemonium. The pixies shot in every direction like rockets.
Two of them seized Neville by the ears and lifted him into the air.
Several shot straight through the window, showering the back row
with broken glass. The rest proceeded to wreck the classroom more
effectively than a rampaging rhino. They grabbed ink bottles and
sprayed the class with them, shredded books and papers, tore pictures
from the walls, up-ended the waste basket, grabbed bags and books
and threw them out of the smashed window; within minutes, half the
88
class was sheltering under desks and Neville was swinging from the
iron chandelier in the ceiling.
"Come on now - round them up, round them up, they're only pixies,"
Lockhart shouted.
He rolled up his sleeves, brandished his wand, and bellowed,
"Peskipiksi Pesternomi!"
It had absolutely no effect; one of the pixies seized his wand and
threw it out of the window, too. Lockhart gulped and dived under his
own desk, narrowly avoiding being squashed by Neville, who fell a
second later as the chandelier gave way.
The bell rang and there was a mad rush toward the exit. In the relative
calm that followed, Lockhart straightened up, caught sight of Harry,
Ron, and Hermione, who were almost at the door, and said, "Well, I'll
ask you three to just nip the rest of them back into their cage." He
swept past them and shut the door quickly behind him.
*102*
"Can you believe him?" roared Ron as one of the remaining pixies bit
him painfully on the ear.
"He just wants to give us some hands-on experience," said Hermione,
immobilizing two pixies at once with a clever Freezing Charm and
stuffing them back into their cage.
"Hands on? "said Harry, who was trying to grab a pixie dancing out of
reach with its tongue out. "Hermione, he didn't have a clue what he
was doing -"
"Rubbish," said Hermione. "You've read his books - look at all those
amazing things he's done -"
"He says he's done," Ron muttered.
arry spent a lot of time over the next few days dodging out of sight
whenever he saw Gilderoy Lockhart coming down a corridor. Harder
89
to avoid was Colin Creevey, who seemed to have memorized Harry's
schedule. Nothing seemed to give Colin a bigger thrill than to say, "All
right, Harry?" six or seven times a day and hear, "Hello, Colin," back,
however exasperated Harry sounded when he said it.
Hedwig was still angry with Harry about the disasterous car journey
and Ron's wand was still malfunctioning, surpassing itself on Friday
morning by shooting out of Ron's hand in Charms and hitting tiny old
Professor Flitwick squarely between the eyes, creating a large,
throbbing green boil where it had struck. So with one thing and
another, Harry was quite glad to reach the weekend. He, Ron, and
Hermione were planning to visit Hagrid on Saturday morning. Harry,
however, was shaken awake several hours earlier
*104*
than he would have liked by Oliver Wood, Captain of the Gryffindor
Quidditch team.
"Whassamatter?" said Harry groggily.
"Quidditch practice!" said Wood. "Come on!"
Harry squinted at the window. There was a thin mist hanging across
the pink-and-gold sky. Now that he was awake, he couldn't
understand how he could have slept through the racket the birds were
making.
"Oliver," Harry croaked. "It's the crack of dawn."
"Exactly," said Wood. He was a tall and burly sixth year and, at the
moment, his eyes were gleaming with a crazed enthusiasm. "It's part
of our new training program. Come on, grab your broom, and let's go,"
said Wood heartily. "None of the other teams have started training yet;
we're going to be first off the mark this year -"
Yawning and shivering slightly, Harry climbed out of bed and tried to
find his Quidditch robes.
"Good man," said Wood. "Meet you on the field in fifteen minutes.
90
When he'd found his scarlet team robes and pulled on his cloak for
warmth, Harry scribbled a note to Ron explaining where he'd gone and
went down the spiral staircase