orite student, kept flicking puffer-fish eyes at Ron and Harry, who
knew that if they retaliated they would get detention faster than you
could say "Unfair."
Harry's Swelling Solution was far too runny, but he had his mind on
more important things. He was waiting for Hermione's signal, and he
hardly listened as Snape paused to sneer at his watery
*186*
potion. When Snape turned and walked off to bully Neville, Hermione
caught Harry's eye and nodded.
Harry ducked swiftly down behind his cauldron, pulled one of Fred's
Filibuster fireworks out of his pocket, and gave it a quick prod with his
wand. The firework began to fizz and sputter. Knowing he had only
seconds, Harry straightened up, took aim, and lobbed it into the air; it
landed right on target in Goyle's cauldron.
Goyle's potion exploded, showering the whole class. People shrieked
as splashes of the Swelling Solution hit them. Malfoy got a faceful and
his nose began to swell like a balloon; Goyle blundered around, his
158
hands over his eyes, which had expanded to the size of a dinner plate -
Snape was trying to restore calm and find out what had happened.
Through the confusion, Harry saw Hermione slip quietly into Snape's
office.
"Silence! SILENCE!" Snape roared. "Anyone who has been splashed,
come here for a Deflating Draft - when I find out who did this -"
Harry tried not to laugh as he watched Malfoy hurry forward, his head
drooping with the weight of a nose like a small melon. As half the
class lumbered up to Snape's desk, some weighted down with arms
like clubs, others unable to talk through gigantic puffedup lips, Harry
saw Hermione slide back into the dungeon, the front of her robes
bulging.
When everyone had taken a swig of antidote and the various swellings
had subsided, Snape swept over to Goyle's cauldron and scooped out
the twisted black remains of the firework. There was a sudden hush.
*187*
"If I ever find out who threw this," Snape whispered, "I shall make
sure that person is expelled."
Harry arranged his face into what he hoped was a puzzled
expression. Snape was looking right at him, and the bell that rang ten
minutes later could not have been more welcome.
"He knew it was me," Harry told Ron and Hermione as they hurried
back to Moaning Myrtle's bathroom. "I could tell."
Hermione threw the new ingredients into the cauldron and began to
stir feverishly.
"It'll be ready in two weeks," she said happily.
"Snape can't prove it was you," said Ron reassuringly to Harry.
"What can he do?"
"Knowing Snape, something foul," said Harry as the potion frothed
and bubbled.
159
A week later, Harry, Ron, and Hermione were walking across the
entrance hall when they saw a small knot of people gathered around
the notice board, reading a piece of parchment that had just been
pinned up. Seamus Finnigan and Dean Thomas beckoned them
over, looking excited.
"They're starting a Dueling Club!" said Seamus. "First meeting
tonight! I wouldn't mind dueling lessons; they might come in handy
one of these days ......
"What, you reckon Slytherin's monster can duel?" said Ron, but he,
too, read the sign with interest.
"Could be useful," he said to Harry and Hermione as they went into
dinner. "Shall we go?"
Harry and Hermione were all for it, so at eight o'clock that
*188*
evening they hurried back to the Great Hall. The long dining tables
had vanished and a golden stage had appeared along one wall, lit by
thousands of candles floating overhead. The ceiling was velvety
black once more and most of the school seemed to be packed
beneath it, all carrying their wands and looking excited.
"I wonder who'll be teaching us?" said Hermione as they edged into
the chattering crowd. "Someone told me Flitwick was a dueling
champion when he was young - maybe it'll be him."
"As long as it's not -" Harry began, but he ended on a groan:
Gilderoy Lockhart was walking onto the stage, resplendent in robes
of deep plum and accompanied by none other than Snape, wearing
his usual black.
Lockhart waved an arm for silence and called ' "Gather round,
gather round! Can everyone see me? Can you all hear me?
Excellent!
"Now, Professor Dumbledore has granted me permission to start
this little dueling club, to train you all in case you ever need to defend
yourselves as I myself have done on countless occasions - for full
160
details, see my published works.
"Let me introduce my assistant, Professor Snape," said Lockhart,
flashing a wide smile. "He tells me he knows a tiny little bit about
dueling himself and has sportingly agreed to help me with a short
demonstration before we begin. Now, I don't want any of you
youngsters to worry - you'll still have your Potions master when I'm
through with him, never fear!"
"Wouldn't it be good if they finished each other off?" Ron muttered in
Harry's ear.
Snape's upper lip was curling. Harry wondered why Lockhart
*189*
was still smiling; if Snape had been looking at him like that he'd have
been running as fast as he could in the opposite direction.
Lockhart and Snape turned to face each other and bowed; at least,
Lockhart did, with much twirling of his hands, whereas Snape jerked
his head irritably. Then they raised their wands like swords in front of
them.
"As you see, we are holding our wands in the accepted combative
position," Lockhart told the silent crowd. "On the count of three, we
will cast our first spells. Neither of us will be aiming to kill, of course."
"I wouldn't bet on that," Harry murmured, watching Snape baring his
teeth.
"One - two - three -"
Both of them swung their wands above their heads and pointed them
at their opponent; Snape cried: "Expelliarmus!" There was a dazzling
flash of scarlet light and Lockhart was blasted off his feet: He flew
backward off the stage, smashed into the wall, and slid down it to
sprawl on the floor.
Malfoy and some of the other Slytherins cheered. Hermione was
dancing on tiptoes. "Do you think he's all right?" she squealed through
her fingers.
161
"Who cares?" said Harry and Ron together.
Lockhart was getting unsteadily to his feet. His hat had fallen off and
his wavy hair was standing on end.
"Well, there you have it!" he said, tottering back onto the platform.
"That was a Disarming Charm - as you see, I've lost my wand - ah,
thank you, Miss Brown - yes, an excellent idea to show them that,
Professor Snape, but if you don't mind my saying
*190*
so, it was very obvious what you were about to do. If I had wanted to
stop you it would have been only too easy - however, I felt it would be
instructive to let them see . . ."
Snape was looking murderous. Possibly Lockhart had noticed, because
he said, "Enough demonstrating! I'm going to come amongst you now
and put you all into pairs. Professor Snape, if you'd like to help me -"
They moved through the crowd, matching up partners. Lockhart
teamed Neville with Justin Finch-Fletchley, but Snape reached Harry
and Ron first.
"Time to split up the dream team, I think," he sneered. "Weasley, you
can partner Finnigan. Potter -"
Harry moved automatically toward Hermione.
"I don't think so," said Snape, smiling coldly. "Mr. Malfoy, come over
here. Let's see what you make of the famous Potter. And you, Miss
Granger - you can partner Miss Bulstrode."
Malfoy strutted over, smirking. Behind him walked a Slytherin girl who
reminded Harry of a picture he'd seen in Holidays with Hags. She was
large and square and her heavy jaw jutted aggressively. Hermione
gave her a weak smile that she did not return.
"Face your partners!" called Lockhart, back on the platform. "And
bow!"
162
Harry and Malfoy barely inclined their heads, not taking their eyes off
each other.
"Wands at the ready!" shouted Lockhart. "When I count to three, cast
your charms to disarm your opponents - only to disarm them - we don't
want any accidents - one ... two ... three -"
*191*
Harry swung his wand high, but Malfoy had already started on "two":
His spell hit Harry so hard he felt as though he'd been hit over the
head with a saucepan. He stumbled, but everything still seemed to be
working, and wasting no more time, Harry pointed his wand straight at
Malfoy and shouted, "Rictusempra!"
A jet of silver light hit Malfoy in the stomach and he doubled up,
wheezing.
"I said disarm only!" Lockhart shouted in alarm over the heads of the
battling crowd, as Malfoy sank to his knees; Harry had hit him with a
Tickling Charm, and he could barely move for laughing. Harry hung
back, with a vague feeling it would be unsporting to bewitch Malfoy
while he was on the floor, but this was a mistake; gasping for breath,
Malfoy pointed his wand at Harry's knees, choked, "Tarantallegra!"
and the next second Harry's legs began to jerk around out of his
control in a kind of quickstep.
"Stop! Stop!" screamed Lockhart, but Snape took charge.
"Finite Incantatem!" he shouted; Harry's feet stopped dancing, Malfoy
stopped laughing, and they were able to look up.
A haze of greenish smoke was hovering over the scene. Both Neville
and Justin were lying on the floor, panting; Ron was holding up an
ashen-faced Seamus, apologizing for whatever his broken wand had
done; but Hermione and Millicent Bulstrode were still moving;
Millicent had Hermione in a headlock and Hermione was whimpering
in pain; both their wands lay forgotten on the floor. Harry leapt
forward and pulled Millicent off. It was difficult: She was a lot bigger
than he was.
"Dear, dear," said Lockhart, skittering through the crowd, looking at
163
the aftermath of the duels. "Up you go, Macmillan ....
*192*
Careful there, Miss Fawcett .... Pinch it hard, it'll stop bleeding in a
second, Boot
"I think Id better teach you how to block unfriendly spells," said
Lockhart, standing flustered in the midst of the hall. He glanced at
Snape, whose black eyes glinted, and looked quickly away. "Let's
have a volunteer pair - Longbo