 
divorce, they looked forward to sharing the rest of their lives together. Jim said, "This 
information about 
our differences has given me back my wife. This is the greatest gift I could ever receive. We are 
loving each other again." 

Six years later, when they invited me to visit their new home and family, they were still loving 
each other. They were still dunking me for helping them to understand each other and stay 
married. 

Although almost everyone would agree that men and women are different, how different is 


still undefined for most people. Many books in the last ten years have forged ahead, 
attempting to define these differences. Though important advances have been made, many 
books are one-sided and unfortunately reinforce mistrust and resentment toward the opposite 
sex. One sex is generally viewed as being victimized by the other. A definitive guide was 
needed for understanding how healthy men and women are different. 

To improve relations between the sexes it is necessary to create an understanding of our 
differences that raises self-esteem and personal dignity while inspiring mutual trust, personal 
responsibility, increased cooperation, and greater love. As a result of questioning more than 
25,000 participants in my relationship seminars 1 have been able to define in positive terms 
how men and women are different. As you explore these differences you will feel walls of 
resentment and mistrust melting down. 

Opening the heart results m greater forgiveness and increased motivation to give and receive 
love and support. With this new awareness, you will, 1 hope, go beyond the suggestions in this 
book and continue to develop ways in which you can relate lovingly to the opposite sex. 

All of the principles in this book have been tested and tried. At least 90 per cent of the more 
than 25,000 individuals questioned have enthusiastically recognized themselves 'm these 
descriptions. If you find yourself nodding your head while reading this book, saying "Yes, yes 
this is me you're talking about," then you are definitely not alone. And just as others have 
benefited from applying the insights in this book, you can as well. 

Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus reveals new strategies for reducing tension in 
relationships and creating more 

love by first recognizing in great detail how men and women are different. It then offers 
practical suggestions about how to reduce frustration and disappointment and to create 
increasing happiness and intimacy. Relationships do not have to be such a struggle. Only when 
we do not under stand one another is there tension, resentment, or conflict. 

So many people are frustrated in their relationships. They love their partners, but when there is 
tension they do not know what to do to make things better. Through understanding how 
completely different men and women are, you will learn new ways for successfully relating 
with, listening to, and supporting the opposite sex. You will learn how to create the love you 
deserve. As you read this book you may wonder how anybody succeeds in having a successful 
relationship without it. 

Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus is a manual for loving relationships in the 1990s. It 
reveals how men and women differ in all areas of their lives. Not only do men and women 
cornmunicate differently but they think, feel, perceive, react, respond, love, need, and 
appreciate differently. They almost seem to be from different planets, speaking different 
languages and needing different nourishment. 

This expanded understanding of our differences helps resolve much of the frustration in 


dealing with and trying to understand the opposite sex. Misunderstandings can then be 
quickly dissipated or avoided. Incorrect expectations are easily corrected. When you remember 
that your partner is as different from you as someone from another planet, you can relax and 
cooperate with the differences instead of resisting or trying to change them. 

Most important, throughout this book you will learn practical techniques for solving the 
problems that arise from our differences. This book is not just a theoretical analysis of 
psychological differences but also a practical manual for how to succeed in creating loving 
relationships. 

The truth of these principles is self-evident and can be validated by your own experience as 
well as by common sense. Many exam 
ples will simply and concisely express what you have always intuitively known. This 
validation will assist you in being you and in not losing yourself in your relationships. 

In response to these insights, men often say "This is exactly how 1 am. Have you been 
following me around? I no longer feel like something is wrong with me." 

Women often say "Finally my husband listens to me. I don't have to fight to be validated. When 
you explain our differences, my husband understands. Thank you!" 

These are but a few of the thousands of inspirational comments that people have shared after 
learning that men are from Mars and women are from Venus. The results of this new program 
for understanding the opposite sex are not only dramatic and immediate but also long lasting. 

Certainly the journey of creating a loving relationship can be rocky at times. Problems are 
inevitable. But these problems either can be sources of resentment and rejection or can be 
opportunities for deepening intimacy and increasing love, caring, and trust. The insights of this 
book are not a "quick fix" to eliminate all problems. Instead they provide a new approach 
whereby your relationships can successfully support you in solving life's problems as they 
arise. With this new awareness you will have the tools you need to get the love you deserve and 
to give your partner the love and support he or she deserves. 

1 make many generalizations about men and women in this book. Probably you will find some 
comments truer than others ... after all, we are unique individuals with unique experiences. 
Sometimes in my seminar couples and individuals will share that they relate to the examples of 
men and women but in an opposite way. The man relates to my descriptions of women and the 
woman relates to my descriptions of men. I call this role reversal. 

If you discover you are experiencing role reversal, I want to assure you that everything is all 
right. I suggest that when you do not relate to something in this book, either ignore it (moving 
on to 

something you do relate to) or look deeper inside yourself. Many men have denied some of 
their masculine attributes in order to become more loving and nurturing. Likewise many 


women have denied some of their feminine attributes in order to earn a living in a work force 
that rewards masculine attributes. If this is the case, then by applying the suggestions, 
strategies, and techniques in this book you not only will create more passion in your 
relationships but also will increasingly balance your masculine and feminine characteristics. 

In this book 1 do not directly address the question of why men and women are different. This 
is a complex question to which there are many answers, ranging from biological differences, 
parental influence, education, and birth order to cultural conditioning by society, the media, 
and history. (These issues are explored in great depth in my book Men, Women, and 
Relationships: Making Peace with the Opposite Sex.) 

Although the benefits of applying the insights in this book are immediate, this book does not 
replace the need for therapy and counseling for troubled relationships or survivors of a 
dysfunctional family. Even healthy individuals may need therapy or counseling at challenging 
times. 1 believe strongly in the powerful and gradual transformation that occurs in therapy, 
marriage counseling, and twelve-step recovery groups. 

Yet repeatedly 1 have heard people say that they have benefited more from this new 
understanding of relationships than from years of therapy. 1 however believe that their years of 
therapy or recovery work provided the groundwork that allowed them to apply these insights 
so successfully to their life and relationships. 

If our past was dysfunctional, then even after years of therapy or attending recovery groups we 
still need a positive picture of healthy relationships. This book provides that vision. On the 
other hand, even if our past has been very loving and nurturing, times have changed, and a new 
approach to relationships between the sexes is still required. It is essential to learn new and 
healthy ways of relating and communicating. 

1 believe everyone can benefit from the insights in this book. The 
only negative response I hear from participants in my seminars and in the letters I receive is "I 
wish someon e had told me this before." 

It is never too late to increase the love in your life. You only need to learn a new way. Whether 
you are in therapy or not, if you want to have more fulfilling relationships with the opposite 
sex, this book is for you. 

It is a pleasure to share with you Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. May you always 
grow in wisdom and in love. May the frequency of divorce decrease and the number of happy 
marriages increase. Our children deserve a better world. 

Chapter 1 

Men Are from Mars 
Women Are from Venus 



Imagine that men are from Mars and women are from Venus. One day long ago the Martians, 
looking through their telescopes, discovered the Venusians. just glimpsing the Venusians 
awakened feelings they had never known. They fell in love and quickly invented space travel 
and flew to Venus. 

The Venusians welcomed the Martians with open arms. They had intuitively known that this 
day would come. Their hearts opened wide to a love they had never felt before. 