s me." 
"I'm sure some people notice you." 

Women My things like this Men respond like this 

"I am so fired, 1 can't do anything.,' "That's ridiculous. You are not he~" 
"I want to forget everything." "If you don't like your Job, then 
quit." 
"The house is always a mess." "It's not always a mess." 
"No one listens to me anymore." "But 1 am listening to you right 
now." 


"Nothing is working." "Are you saying it is my fault?" 
"You don't love me anymore." "Of course 1 do. That's why 
I'm here." 
"We are always in a hurry." "We are not. Friday we were 
relaxed. " 
"I want more romance." "Are you saying 1 am not 
romantic?" 

You can see how a "literal" translation of a woman's words could easily mislead a man who is 
used to using speech as a means of conveying only facts and information. We can also see how 
a man's responses might lead to an argument. Unclear and unloving communication is the 
biggest problem in relationships. The number one complaint women have in relationships is: 
"I don't feel heard." Even this complaint is misunderstood and misinterpreted! 

A man's literal translation of "I don't feel heard" leads him to invalidate and argue with her 
feelings. He thinks he has heard her if he can repeat what she has said. A translation of a 
woman saying "I don't feel heard" so that a man could correctly Interpret it is: -I feel 
as though you don't fully understand what 1 really mean to say or care about how 1 feel. Would 
you show me that you are interested in what 1 have to say?" 

If a man really understood her complaint then he would argue 
less and be able to respond more positively. When men and women 
are on the verge of arguing, they are generally m isunderstanding 
each other. At such times, it is important to rethink or translate what 
they have heard. 

Because many men don't understand that women express feelings differently, they 
inappropriately judge or invalidate their partner's feelings. This leads to arguments. The 
ancient Martians learned to avoid many arguments through correct understanding. Whenever 


listening stirred up some resistance, they consulted their Venusian/Martian Phrase Dictionary 
for a correct interpretation. 

WHEN VENUSIANS TALK 

The following section contains various excerpts from the lost Venusian/Martian Phrase 
Dictionary. Each of the ten complaints listed above is translated so that a man can understand 
their real and intended meaning. Each translation also contains a hint of how she wants him to 
respond. 

You see, when a Venusian is upset she not only uses generalities, and so forth, but also is 
asking for a particular kind of support. She doesn't directly ask for that support because on 
Venus everyone knew that dramatic language implied a particular request. 

In each of the translations this hidden request for support is revealed. If a man listening to a 
woman can recognize the implied request and respond accordingly, she will feel truly heard 
and loved. 

The Venusian/Martinn Phrase Dictionary 

"We never go out" translated into Martian means "I feel like going out and doing something 
together. We always have such a fun time, and 1 love being with 

you. What do you think? Would you take me out to dinner? It has been a few days since we 
went out." 

Without this translation, when a woman says "We never go out" a man may hear "You are n ot 
doing your job. What a disappointment you have turned out to be. We never do anything 
together anymore because you are lazy, unromantic, and just boring." 

"Everyone ignores me" translated into Martian means "Today, I am feeling ignored and 
unacknowledged. I feel as though nobody sees me. Of course I'm sure some people see me, but 
they don't seem to care about me. I suppose I am also disappointed that you have been so busy 
lately. 1 really do appreciate how hard you are working and sometimes I start to feel like 1 am 
not important to you. I am afraid your work is more important than me. Would you give me a 
hug and tell me how special 1 am to you?" 

Without this translation, when a woman says "Everyone ignores me" a man may hear "I am so 
unhappy. I just ca n't get the attention 1 need. Everything is completely hopeless. Even you 
don't notice me, and you are the person who is supposed to love me. You should be ashamed. 
You are so unloving. I would never ignore you this way." 

"I am so tired, I can't do anything" translated into Martian means "I have been doing so much 
today. 1 really need a rest before I can do anything more. 1 am so lucky to have your support. 
Would you give me a hug and reassure me that 1 am doing a good Job and that I deserve a 


rest?" 


Without this translation, when a woman says "I am so tired, I can't do anything" a man may 
hear "I do everything and you do 
nothing. You should do more. I can't do it all. I feel so hopeless. 1 want a 'real man' to live with. 
Picking you was a big mistake." 


"I want to forget everything" translated into Martian means "I want you to know that I love my 
work and my life but today I am so overwhelmed. 1 would love to do something really 
nurturing for myself before 1 have to be responsible again. Would you ask me 'What's the 
matter?' and then listen with empathy without offering any solutions? 1 just want to feel you 
understanding the pressures 1 feel. It would make me feel so much better. It helps me to relax. 
Tomorrow I will get back to being responsible and handling things." 


Without this translation, when a woman says "I want to forget everything" a man may hear "I 
have to do so much that I don't want to do. 1 am so unhappy with you and our relationship. I 
want a better partner who can make my life more fulfilling. You are doing a terrible job." 


"This house is always a mess" translated into Martian means "Today 1 feel like relaxing, but the 
house is so 


messy. I am frustrated and I need a rest. I hope you don't expect me to clean it all up. Would 
you agree with me that it is a mess and then offer to help clean up part of it?" 


Without this translation, when a woman says "This house is always a mess" a man may hear 
"This house is a mess because of you. 1 do everything possible to clean it up, and before I have 
finished, you have messed it up again. You are a lazy slob and I don't want to live with you 
unless you change. Clean up or clear out! 


"No one listens to me anymore" translated into Martian means "I am afraid 1 am boring to you. 
I am 


afraid you are no longer interested in me. I seem to be very sensitive today. Would you give me 
some special attention? 1 would love it. I've had a hard day and feel as though no one wants to 
hear what 1 have to say. 


"Would you listen to me and continue to ask me supportive questions such as: 'What happened 
today? What else happened? How did you feel? What did you want? How else do you feel?' 
Also support me by saying caring, acknowledging, and reassuring statements such as: 'Tell me 
more' or 'That's right' or 'I know what you mean' or 'I understand.' Or just listen, and 
occasionally when I pause make one of these reassuring sounds: 'oh,"humph,"uh -huh,' and 
'hmmm."' (Note: Martians had never heard of these sounds before arriving on Venus.) 


Without this translation, when a woman says "No one listens to me anymore" he may hear "I 
give you my attention but you don't listen to me. You used to. You have become a very boring 



person to be with. I want someone exciting and interesting and you are definitel y not that 
person. You have disappointed me. You are selfish, uncaring, and bad." 

"Nothing is working" translated into Martian means "Today 1 am so overwhelmed and I am so 
grateful that I can share my feelings with you. It helps me so much to feel better. Today it 
seems like nothing 1 do works. 1 know that this is not true, but 1 sure feel that way when I get 
so overwhelmed by all the things I still have to do. Would you give me a hug and tell me that I 
am doing a great job. It would sure feel good." 

Without this translation, when a woman says "Nothing is working" a man may hear "You never 
do anything right. I can't trust you. If I hadn't listened to you I wouldn't be in this mess. 
Another man would have fixed things, but you made them worse." 
"You don't love me anymore" translated into Martian means "Today I am feeling as though you 
don't love me. I am afraid I have pushed you away. I know you really do love me, you do so 
much for me. Today 1 am just feeling a little insecure. Would you reassure me of your love and 
tell me those three magic words, I love you. When you do that it feels so good." 

Without this translation, when a woman says "You don't love me anymore" a man may hear "I 
have given you the best years of my life, and you have given me nothing. You used me. You are 
selfish and cold. You do what you want to do, for you and only you. You do not care about 
anybody. I was a fool for loving you. Now 1 have nothing." 

"We are always in a hurry" translated into Martian means "I feel so rushed today. I don't like 
rushing. I wish our life was not so hurried. I know it is nobody's fault and I certainly don't 
blame you. 1 know you are doing your best to get us there on time and I really appreciate how 
much you care. 

"Would you empathize with me and say something like, 'It is hard always rushing around. 1 
don't always like rushing either.' 

Without this translation, when a woman says "We are always in a hurry" a man may hear "You 
are so irresponsible. You wait until the last minute to do everything. I can never be happy 
when I am with you. We are always rushing to avoid being late. You ruin things every time I 
am with you. I am so much happier when I am not around you." 

"I want more romance" translated into Martian means "Sweetheart, you have