

The love between the Venusians and Martians was magical. They delighted in being together, 
doing things together, and sharing together. Though from different worlds, they reveled in 
their differences. They spent months learning about each other, exploring and appreciati ng 
their different needs, preferences, and behavior patterns. For years they lived together in love 
and harmony. 

Then they decided to fly to Earth. In the beginning everything was wonderful and beautiful. 
But the effects of Earth's atmosphere took hold, and one morning everyone woke up with a 
peculiar kind of amnesiaselective amnesia! 
Both the Martians and Venusians forgot that they were from different planets and were 
supposed to be different. In one morning everything they had learned about their differences 
was erased from their memory. And since that day men and women have been in conflict. 


REMEMBERING OUR DIFFERENCES 

Without the awareness that we are supposed to be different, men and women are at odds with 
each other. We usually become angry or frustrated with the opposite sex because we have 
forgotten this important truth. We expect the opposite sex to be more like ourselves. We desire 
them to "want what we want" and "feel the way we feel." 

We mistakenly assume that if our partners love us they will react and behave in certain 
ways-the ways we react and behave when we love someone. This attitude sets us up to be 
disappointed again and 

in and prevents us from taking the necessary time to communicate lovingly about our 
differences. 

Men mistakenly expect women to think, communicate, and react the way men do; women 
mistakenly expect men to feel, communicate, and respond the way women do. We have 
forgotten that men and women are supposed to be different. As a result our relationships are 
filled with unnecessary friction and conflict. 

Clearly recognizing and respecting these differences dramatically reduce confusion when 
dealing with the opposite sex. When you remember that men are from Mars and women are 
from Venus, everything can be explained. 

AN OVERVIEW OF OUR DIFFERENCES 


Throughout this book I will discuss in great detail our differences. Each chapter will bring you 
new and crucial insights. Here are the major differences that we will explore: 

In chapter 2 we will explore how men's and women's values are inherently different and try to 
understand the two biggest mistakes we make in relating to the opposite sex: men mistakenly 
offer solutions and invalidate feelings while women offer unsolicited advice and direction. 
Through understanding our MartianlVenusian background it becomes obvious why men and 
women unknowingly make these mistakes. By remembering these differences we can correct 
our mistakes and immediately respond to each other in more productive ways. 

In chapter 3 we'll discover the different ways men and women cope with stress. While Martians 
tend to pull away and silently think about what's bothering them, Venusians feel an instinctive 
need to talk about what's bothering them. You will learn new strategies for getting what you 
want at these conflicting times. 

We will explore how to motivate the opposite sex in chapter 4. Men are motivated when they 
feel needed while women are motivated when they feel cherished. We will discuss the three 
steps for improving relationships and explore how to overcome our greatest challenges: men 
need to overcome their resistance to giving love while women must overcome their resistance 
to receiving it. 

In chapter 5 you'll learn how men and women commonly misunderstand each other because 
they speak different languages. A Martian/Venusian Phrase Dictionary is provided to translate 
commonly misunderstood expressions. You will learn how men and women speak and even 
stop speaking for entirely different reasons. Women will learn what to do when a man stops 
talking, and men will learn how to listen better without becoming frustrated. 

In chapter 6 you will discover how men and women have different needs for intimacy. A man 
gets close but then inevitably needs to Pull away. Women will learn how to support this 
pulling-away process 
so he will spring back to her like a rubber band. Women also will learn the best times for 
having intimate conversations with a man. 

We will explore in chapter 7 how a woman's loving attitudes rise and fall rhythmically in a 
wave motion. Men will learn how correctly to interpret these sometimes sudden shifts of 
feeling. Men also will learn to recognize when they are needed the most and how to be 
skilfully supportive at those times without having to make sacrifices. 

In chapter 8 you'll discover how men and women give the kind of love they need and not what 
the opposite sex needs. Men primarily need a kind of love that is trusting, accepting, and 
appreciative. Women primarily need a kind of love that is caring, understanding, and 
respectful. You will discover the six most common ways you may unknowingly be turning off 
your partner. 


In chapter 9 we will explore how to avoid painful arguments. Men will learn that by acting as if 
they are always right they may invalidate a woman's feelings. Women will learn how they 
unknowingly send messages of disapproval instead of disagreement, thus igniting a man's 
defenses. The anatomy of an argument will be explored along with many practical suggestions 
for establishing supportive communication. 

Chapter 10 will show how men and women keep score differently. Men will learn that for 
Venusians every gift of love scores equally with every other gift, regardless of size. Instead of 
focusing on one big gift men are reminded that the little expressions of love are just as 
important; 101 ways to score points with women are listed. Women, however, will learn to 
redirect their energies into ways that score big with men by giving men what they want. 

In chapter 11 you'll learn ways to communicate with each other during difficult times. The 
different ways men and women hide feelings are discussed along with the importance of 
sharing feelings. The Love Letter Technique is recommended for expressing negative feelings 
to your partner, as a way of finding greater love and forgiveness. 

You will understand why Venusians have a more difficult time 

asking for support in chapter 12, as well as why Martians commonly resist requests. You will 
learn how the phrases "could you" and "can you" turn off men and what to say instead. You will 
learn the secrets for encouraging a man to give more and discover in various ways the power of 
being brief, direct, and using the correct wording. 

in chapter 13 you'll discover the four seasons of love. This realistic perspective of how love 
changes and grows will assist you in overcoming the inevitable obstacles that emerge in any 
relationship. You will learn how your past or your partner's past can affect your relationship in 
the present and discover other important insights for keeping the magic of love alive. 

In each chapter of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus you will discover new secrets for 
creating loving and lasting relationships. Each new discovery will increase your ability to have 
fulfilling relationships. 

GOOD INTENTIONS ARE NOT ENOUGH 

Falling in love is always magical. It feels eternal, as if love will last forever. We naively believe 
that somehow we are exempt from the problems our parents had, free from the odds that love 
will die, assured that it is meant to be and that we are destined to live happily ever after. 

But as the magic recedes and daily life takes over, it emerges that men continue to expect 
women to think and react like men, and women expect men to feel and behave like women. 
Without a clear awareness of our differences, we do not take the time to understand and respect 
each other. We become demanding, resentful, judgmental, and intolerant. 

With the best and most loving intentions love continues to die. Somehow the problems creep 


in. The resentments build. Communication breaks down. Mistrust increases. Rejection and 
repression result. The magic of love is lost. 
We ask ourselves: 


How does it happen? 

Why does it happen? 

Why does it happen to us? 

To answer these questions our greatest minds have developed brilliant and complex 
philosophical and psychological models. Yet still the old patterns return. Love dies. It happens 
to almost everyone. 

Each day millions of individuals are searching for a pa rtner to experience that special loving 
feeling. Each year, millions of couples join together in love and then painfully separate because 
they have lost that loving feeling. From those who are able to sustain love long enough to get 
married, only 50 percent stay married. Out of those who stay together, possibly another 50 
percent are not fulfilled. They stay together out of loyalty and obligation or from the fear of 
starting over. 

Very few people, indeed, are able to grow in love. Yet, it does happen. When men and women 
are able to respect and accept their differences then love has a chance to blossom. 

Through understanding the hidden differences of the opposite sex we can more successfully 
give and receive the love that is in our hearts. By validating and accepting our differences, 
creative solutions can be discovered whereby we can succeed in getting what we want. And, 
more important, we can learn how to best love and support the people we care about. 

Love is magical, and it can last, if we remember our differences. 

Chapter 2 

Mr. Fix-It and the 
Home-Improvement Committee 


The most frequently expressed complaint women have about men is that men don't listen. 
Either a man completely ignores her when she speaks to him, or he listens for a few beats, 
assesses what is bothe