ves. 

In most sports today we can see an extension of this Martian competitive code. For example, in 
tennis 1 not only want to win but also try to make my friend lose by making it difficult for him 
to return my shots. 1 enjoy winning even though my friend loses. 

Most of these Martian attitudes have a place in life, but this win/lose attitude becomes harmful 


in our adult relationships. If I seek to fulfill my own needs at the expense of my partner, we are 
sure to experience unhappiness, resentment, and conflict. The secret of forming a successful 
relationship is for both partners to win. 

Differences Attract 

After the first Martian fell in love, he began manufacturing telescopes for all his brother 
Martians. Very quickly they all came out of their depressions. They too began to feel love for 
the Venusians. They started to care about the Venusians as much as themselves. 

The strange and beautiful Venusians were a mysterious attraction to the Martians. Their 
differences especially attracted the Martians Where the Martians were hard, the Venusians 
were soft. Where the Martians were angular, the Venusians were round. Where the Martians 
were cool, the Venusians were warm. In a magical and perfect way their differences seemed to 
complement each other. 

In an unspoken language the Venusians communicated loud and 

clear: "We need you. Your power and strength can bring us great fullfill filling a void deep 
within our being. Together we could five m great happiness." This invitation motivated and 
empowered the Martians. 

Many women instinctively understand how to give this message. in the beginning of a 
relationship, a woman gives a man a brief look that says you could he the one to make me 
happy. In this subtle way she actually initiates their relationship. This look encourages him to 
come closer. It empowers him to overcome his fears of having a relationship. Unfortunately, 
once they are in a relationship and as the problems begin to emerge, she doesn't know how 
important that message still is to him and neglects to send it. 

The Martians were very motivated by the possibility of making a difference on Venus. The 
Martian race was moving to a new level of evolution. They were no longer satisfied by just 
proving themselves and developing their power. They wanted to use their power and skills in 
the service of others, especially in the service of the Venusians. They were beginning to 
develop a new philosophy, a win/win philosophy. They wanted a world where everyone cared 
for themselves as well as for others. 

Love Motivates Martians 

The Martians began building a fleet of spaceships that would carry them across the heavens to 
Venus. They had never felt so alive. Through glimpsing the Venusians, they were beginning to 
have unselfish feelings for the first time in their history. 

Similarly, when a man is in lo ve he is motivated to be the best he can be in order to serve 
others. When his heart is open, he feels so confident in himself that he is capable of making 
major changes. Given the opportunity to prove his potential, he expresses his best self. Only 


when h e feels he cannot succeed does he regress back to his old selfish ways. 

When a man is in love, he begins to care about another as much as himself. He is suddenly 
released from the binding chains of being 
motivated for himself alone and becomes free to give to another, not for personal gain, but out 
of caring. He experiences his partner's fulfillment as if it were his own. He can easily endure 
any hardship to make her happy because her happiness makes him happy. His struggles 
become easier. He is energized with a higher purpose. 

In his youth he can be satisfied by serving himself alone, but as he matures self-gratification is 
no longer as satisfying. To experience fulfillment he must begin to live his life motivated by 
love. Being inspired to give in such a free and selfless way liberates him from the inertia of 
selfgratification devoid of caring for others. Although he still needs to receive love, his greatest 
need is to give love. 

Most men are not only hungry to give love but are starving for it. Their biggest problem is that 
they do not know what they are missing. They rarely saw their fathers succeed in fulfilling 
their mothers through giving. As a result they do not know that a major source of fulfillment 
for a man can come through giving. When his relationships fail he finds himself depressed and 
stuck in his cave. He stops caring and doesn't know why he is so depressed. 

At such times he withdraws from relationships or intimacy and remains stuck in his cave. He 
asks himself what it is all for, and why he should bother. He doesn't know that he has stopped 
caring because he doesn't feel needed. He does not realize that by finding someone who needs 
him, he can shake off his depression and be motivated again. 

When a man doesn't feel he is making a positive difference in someone else's fife, it is hard for 
him to continue caring about his fife and relationships. It is difficult to be motivated when he 
is not 

needed. To become motivated again he needs to feel appreciated, trusted, and accepted. Not to 
be needed is a slow death for a man. 

WHEN A WOMAN LOVES A MAN 

A woman falling in love with a man is similar to what took place when the first Venusian 
believed that the Martians were coming. She dreamed that a fleet of spaceships from the 
heavens would land and a race of strong and caring Martians would emerge. These beings 
would not need nurturing but instead wanted to provide for and take care of the Venusians. 

These Martians were very devoted and were inspired by the Venusian beauty and culture. The 
Martians recognized that their power and competence were meaningless without someone to 
serve. These wondrous and admirable beings had found relief and inspiration in the promise 
of servin g, pleasing, and fulfilling the Venusians. What a miracle! 


Other Venusians had similar dreams and instantly came out of their depressions. The 
realization that transformed the Venusians was the belief that help was on the way because the 
Martians were coming. The Venusians had been depressed because they felt isolated and 
alone. To come out of depression they needed to feel that loving help was on the way. 

Most men have little awareness of how important it is to a woman to feel supported by 
someone who cares. Women are happy when they believe their needs will be met. When a 
woman is upset, overwhelmed, confused, exhausted, or hopeless what she needs most is simple 
companionship. She needs to feel she is not alone. She needs to feel loved and cherished. 

Empathy, understanding, validation, and compassion go a long way to assist her in becoming 
more receptive and appreciative of his support. Men don't realize this because their Martian 
instincts tell them it's best to be alone when they are upset. When she is upset, out of respect he 
will leave her alone, or if he stays he makes matters worse by trying to solve her problems. He 
does not instinctively 
realize how very important closeness, intimacy, and sharing are to her. What she needs most is 
just someone to listen. 

Through sharing her feelings she begins to remember that she is worthy of love and that her 
needs will be fulfilled. Doubt and mistrust melt away. Her tendency to be compulsive relaxes 
as she remembers that she is worthy of love-she doesn't have to earn it; she can relax, give less, 
and receive more. She deserves it. 

Tee Mad Giving Is Tiring 

To deal with their depression the Venusians were busy sharing their feelings and talking about 
their problems. As they talked they discovered the cause of their depression. They were tired of 
giving so much all the time. They resented always feeling respon sible for one another. They 
wanted to relax and just be taken care of for a while. They were tired of sharing everything 
with others. They wanted to be special and possess things that were their own. No longer were 
they satisfied being martyrs and living for others. 

On Venus, they lived by lose/win philosophy-"I lose so that you can win." As long as everyone 
made sacrifices for others, then everyone was taken care of. But after doing this for centuries 
the Venusians were fired of always caring about one another and sharing everything. They also 
were ready for a win/win philosophy. 

Similarly, many women today are also tired of giving. They want time off. Time to explore 
being themselves. Time to care about themselves first. They want someone to provide 
emotional support, someone they don 't 'have to take care of. The Martians fit the bill perfectly. 

At this point the Martians were learning to give while the Venusians were now ready to learn 
how to receive. After centuries the Venusians and Martians had reached an important stage in 
their 


evolution. The Venusians needed to learn how to receive while the Martians needed to learn 
how to give. 

This same change commonly takes place In men and women as they mature. In her younger 
years, a woman is much more willing to sacrifice and mold herself to fulfill her partner's needs. 
In a man's younger years, he is much more self-absorbed and unaware of the needs of others. 
As a woman matures she realizes how she may have been giving up herself in order to please 
her partner. As a man matures he realizes how he can bet-ter serve and respect others. 

As a man matures he also learns that he may be giving up himself, but his major change is 
becoming more aware of how he can succeed in giving. Likewise, as a woman matures she also 
learns new strategies for giving, but her major change tends to be learning to set limits in order 
to receive what she wants. 

Giving UP Blame 

When a woman realize