e motions for Charlie's sake, but we both 
know I'm not going to be in any condition to go to school next fall. To be anywhere near 
people." 

 

My knowledge of those first few years as a new vampire was sketchy. Edward had never 
gone into details - it wasn't his favorite subject - but I knew it wasn't pretty. Self-control was 
apparently an acquired skill. Anything more than correspondence school was out of the 
question. 

"I thought the timing was still undecided," Edward reminded me softly. "You might enjoy a 
semester or two of college. There are a lot of human experiences you've never had." 

"I'll get to those afterward." 

"They won't be human experiences afterward. You don't get a second chance at humanity, 
Bella." 

I sighed. "You've got to be reasonable about the timing, Edward. It's just too dangerous to 
mess around with." 

"There's no danger yet," he insisted. 

I glared at him. No danger? Sure. I only had a sadistic vampire trying to avenge her mate's 
death with my own, preferably through some slow and torturous method. Who was worried 
about Victoria? And, oh yeah, the Volturi - the vampire royal family with their small army of 
vampire warriors - who insisted that my heart stop beating one way or another in the near 
future, because humans weren't allowed to know they existed. Right. No reason at all to 
panic. 

Even with Alice keeping watch - Edward was relying on her uncannily accurate visions of 
the future to give us advance warning - it was insane to take chances. 

Besides, I'd already won this argument. The date for my transformation was tentatively set 
for shortly after my graduation from high school, only a handful of weeks away. 

A sharp jolt of unease pierced my stomach as I realized how short the time really was. Of 
course this change was necessary - and the key to what I wanted more than everything else in 
the world put together - but I was deeply conscious of Charlie sitting in the other room 
enjoying his game, just like every other night. And my mother, RenÃ©e, far away in sunny 
Florida, still pleading with me to spend the summer on the beach with her and her new 
husband. And Jacob, who, unlike my parents, would know exactly what was going on when 
I disappeared to some distant school. Even if my parents didn't grow suspicious for a long 
time, even if I could put off visits with excuses about travel expenses or study loads or 
illnesses, Jacob would know the truth. 

For a moment, the idea of Jacob's certain revulsion overshadowed every other pain. 

"Bella," Edward murmured, his face twisting when he read the distress in mine. "There's no 
hurry. I won't let anyone hurt you. You can take all the time you need." 

 

"I want to hurry," I whispered, smiling weakly, trying to make a joke of it. "I want to be a 
monster, too." 

His teeth clenched; he spoke through them. "You have no idea what you're saying." 
Abruptly, he flung the damp newspaper onto the table in between us. His finger stabbed the 
headline on the front page: 

DEATH TOLL ON THE RISE, POLICE FEAR GANG ACTIVITY 

"What does that have to do with anything?" 

"Monsters are not a joke, Bella." 

I stared at the headline again, and then up to his hard expression. "A . . . a vampire is doing 
this?" I whispered. 

He smiled without humor. His voice was low and cold. "You'd be surprised, Bella, at how 
often my kind are the source behind the horrors in your human news. It's easy to recognize, 
when you know what to look for. The information here indicates a newborn vampire is loose 
in Seattle. Bloodthirsty, wild, out of control. The way we all were." 

I let my gaze drop to the paper again, avoiding his eyes. 

"We've been monitoring the situation for a few weeks. All the signs are there - the unlikely 
disappearances, always in the night, the poorly disposed-of corpses, the lack of other 
evidence. . . . Yes, someone brand-new. And no one seems to be taking responsibility for the 
neophyte. . . ." He took a deep breath. "Well, it's not our problem. We wouldn't even pay 
attention to the situation if wasn't going on so close to home. Like I said, this happens all the 
time. The existence of monsters results in monstrous consequences." 

I tried not to see the names on the page, but they jumped out from the rest of the print like 
they were in bold. The five people whose lives were over, whose families were mourning 
now. It was different from considering murder in the abstract, reading those names. Maureen 
Gardiner, Geoffrey Campbell, Grace Razi, Michelle O'Connell, Ronald Albrook. People 
who'd had parents and children and friends and pets and jobs and hopes and plans and 
memories and futures. . . . 

"It won't be the same for me," I whispered, half to myself. "You won't let me be like that. 
We'll live in Antarctica." 

Edward snorted, breaking the tension. "Penguins. Lovely." 

I laughed a shaky laugh and knocked the paper off the table so I wouldn't have to see those 
names; it hit the linoleum with a thud. Of course Edward would consider the hunting 
possibilities. He and his "vegetarian" family - all committed to protecting human life - 
preferred the flavor of large predators for satisfying their dietary needs. "Alaska, then, as 

 

planned. Only somewhere much more remote than Juneau - somewhere with grizzlies 
galore." 

"Better," he allowed. "There are polar bears, too. Very fierce. And the wolves get quite 
large." 

My mouth fell open and my breath blew out in a sharp gust. 

"What's wrong?" he asked. Before I could recover, the confusion vanished and his whole 
body seemed to harden. "Oh. Never mind the wolves, then, if the idea is offensive to you." 
His voice was stiff, formal, his shoulders rigid. 

"He was my best friend, Edward," I muttered. It stung to use the past tense. "Of course the 
idea offends me." 

"Please forgive my thoughtlessness," he said, still very formal. "I shouldn't have suggested 
that." 

"Don't worry about it." I stared at my hands, clenched into a double fist on the table. 

We were both silent for a moment, and then his cool finger was under my chin, coaxing my 
face up. His expression was much softer now. 

"Sorry. Really." 

"I know. I know it's not the same thing. I shouldn't have reacted that way. It's just that . . . 
well, I was already thinking about Jacob before you came over." I hesitated. His tawny eyes 
seemed to get a little bit darker whenever I said Jacob's name. My voice turned pleading in 
response. "Charlie says Jake is having a hard time. He's hurting right now, and . . . it's my 
fault." 

"You've done nothing wrong, Bella." 

I took a deep breath. "I need to make it better, Edward. I owe him that. And it's one of 
Charlie's conditions, anyway -" 

His face changed while I spoke, turning hard again, statue-like. 

"You know it's out of the question for you to be around a werewolf unprotected, Bella. And 
it would break the treaty if any of us cross over onto their land. Do you want us to start a 
war?" 

"Of course not!" 

"Then there's really no point in discussing the matter further." He dropped his hand and 
looked away, searching for a subject change. His eyes paused on something behind me, and 
he smiled, though his eyes stayed wary. 

 

"I'm glad Charlie has decided to let you out - you're sadly in need of a visit to the bookstore. I 
can't believe you're reading Wuthering Heights again. Don't you know it by heart yet?" 

"Not all of us have photographic memories," I said curtly. 

"Photographic memory or not, I don't understand why you like it. The characters are ghastly 
people who ruin each others' lives. I don't know how Heathcliff and Cathy ended up being 
ranked with couples like Romeo and Juliet or Elizabeth Bennet and Mr. Darcy. It isn't a love 
story, it's a hate story." 

"You have some serious issues with the classics," I snapped. 

"Perhaps it's because I'm not impressed by antiquity." He smiled, evidently satisfied that he'd 
distracted me. "Honestly, though, whydo you read it over and over?" His eyes were vivid 
with real interest now, trying - again - to unravel the convoluted workings of my mind. He 
reached across the table to cradle my face in his hand. "What is it that appeals to you?" 

His sincere curiosity disarmed me. "I'm not sure," I said, scrambling for coherency while his 
gaze unintentionally scattered my thoughts. "I think it's something about the inevitability. 
How nothing can keep them apart - not her selfishness, or his evil, or even death, in the end. 
. . ." 

His face was thoughtful as he considered my words. After a moment he smiled a teasing 
smile. "I still think it would be a better story if either of them had one redeeming quality." 

"I think that may be the point," I disagreed. "Their love is their only redeeming quality." 

"I hope you have better sense than that - to fall in love with someone so . . . malignant." 

"It's a bit late for me to worry about who I fall in love with," I pointed out. "But even 
without the warning, I seem to have managed fairly well." 

He laughed quietly. "I'm glad you think so." 

"Well, I hope you're smart enough to stay away from someone so selfish. Catherine is really 
the source of all the trouble, not Heathcliff." 

"I'll be on my guard," he promised. 

I sighed. He was so good at distractions. 

I put my hand over his to hold it to my face. "I need to see Jacob." 

His eyes closed. "No." 

"It's truly not dangerous at all," I said, pleading again. "I used to spend all day in La Push 
with the whole lot of them, and nothing ever happened." 

 

But I made a slip; my voice faltered at the end because I realized as I was saying the words 
that they were a lie. It was not true that nothing had ever happened. A brief flash of memory 
- an enormous gray wolf c