 off. "Look at it this way - I'm hoping I can track down a vampire I'm allowed to 
kill, okay?" 

I didn't answer. He looked at me then, peeking at my reaction. 

 

"Kidding, Bella." 

I stared at the TV. 

"So, any special plans next week? You're graduating. Wow. That's big." His voice turned 
flat, and his face, already drawn, looked downright haggard as his eyes closed again - not in 
exhaustion this time, but in denial. I realized that graduation still had a horrible significance 
for him, though my intentions were now disrupted. 

"Nospecial plans," I said carefully, hoping he would hear the reassurance in my words 
without a more detailed explanation. I didn't want to get into it now. For one thing, he didn't 
look up for any difficult conversations. For another, I knew he would read too much into my 
qualms. "Well, I do have to go to a graduation party. Mine." I made a disgusted sound. 
"Aliceloves parties, and she's invited the whole town to her place the night of. It's going to 
be horrible." 

His eyes opened as I spoke, and a relieved smile made his face look less worn. "I didn't get an 
invitation. I'm hurt," he teased. 

"Consider yourself invited. It's supposedlymy party, so I should be able to ask who I want." 

"Thanks," he said sarcastically, his eyes slipping closed once more. 

"I wish you would come," I said without any hope. "It would be more fun. For me, I mean." 

"Sure, sure," he mumbled. "That would be very . . . wise . . ." His voice trailed off. 

A few seconds later, he was snoring. 

Poor Jacob. I studied his dreaming face, and liked what I saw. While he slept, every trace of 
defensiveness and bitterness disappeared and suddenly he was the boy who had been my very 
best friend before all the werewolf nonsense had gotten in the way. He looked so much 
younger. He looked like my Jacob. 

I nestled into the couch to wait out his nap, hoping he would sleep for a while and make up 
some of what he'd lost. I flipped through channels, but there wasn't much on. I settled for a 
cooking show, knowing, as I watched, that I'd never put that much effort into Charlie's 
dinner. Jacob continued to snore, getting louder. I turned up the TV. 

I was strangely relaxed, almost sleepy, too. This house felt safer than my own, probably 
because no one had ever come looking for me here. I curled up on the sofa and thought about 
taking a nap myself. Maybe I would have, but Jacob's snoring was impossible to tune out. 
So, instead of sleeping, I let my mind wander. 

Finals were done, and most of them had been a cakewalk. Calculus, the one exception, was 
behind me, pass or fail. My high school education was over. And I didn't really know how I 
felt about that. I couldn't look at it objectively, tied up as it was with my human life being 

 

over. 

I wondered how long Edward planned to use this "not because you're scared" excuse. I was 
going to have to put my foot down sometime. 

If I were thinking practically, I knew it made more sense to ask Carlisle to change me the 
second I made it through the graduation line. Forks was becoming nearly as dangerous as a 
war zone. No, Forkswas a war zone. Not to mention . . . it would be a good excuse to miss 
the graduation party. I smiled to myself as I thought of that most trivial of reasons for 
changing. Silly . . . yet still compelling. 

But Edward was right - I wasn't quite ready yet. 

And I didn't want to be practical. I wanted Edward to be the one. It wasn't a rational desire. I 
was sure that - about two seconds after someone actually bit me and the venom started 
burning through my veins - I really wouldn't care anymore who had done it. So it shouldn't 
make a difference. 

It was hard to define, even to myself, why it mattered. There was just something about him 
being the one to make the choice - to want to keep me enough that he wouldn't just allow 
me to be changed, he would act to keep me. It was childish, but I liked the idea thathis lips 
would be the last good thing I would feel. Even more embarrassingly, something I would 
never say aloud, I wantedhis venom to poison my system. It would make me belong to him in 
a tangible, quantifiable way. 

But I knew he was going to stick to his marriage scheme like glue - because a delay was 
what he was clearly after and it was working so far. I tried to imagine telling my parents that 
I was getting married this summer. Telling Angela and Ben and Mike. I couldn't. I couldn't 
think of the words to say. It would be easier to tell them I was becoming a vampire. And I 
was sure that at least my mother - were I to tell her every detail of the truth - would be more 
strenuously opposed to me getting married than to me a becoming vampire. I grimaced to 
myself as I imagined her horrified expression. 

Then, for just a second, I saw that same odd vision of Edward and me on a porch swing, 
wearing clothes from another kind of world. A world where it would surprise no one if I 
wore his ring on my finger. A simpler place, where love was defined in simpler ways. One 
plus one equals two. . . . 

Jacob snorted and rolled to his side. His arm swung off the back of the couch and pinned me 
against his body. 

Holy crow, but he was heavy! Andhot. It was sweltering after just a few seconds. 

I tried to slide out from under his arm without waking him, but I had to shove a little bit, and 
when his arm fell off me, his eyes snapped open. He jumped to his feet, looking around 
anxiously. 

 

"What? What?" he asked, disoriented. 

"It's just me, Jake. Sorry I woke you." 

He turned to look at me, blinking and confused. "Bella?" 

"Hey, sleepy." 

"Oh, man! Did I fall asleep? I'm sorry! How long was I out?" 

"A few Emerils. I lost count." 

He flopped back on the couch next to me. "Wow. Sorry about that, really." 

I patted his hair, trying to smooth the wild disarray. "Don't feel bad. I'm glad you got some 
sleep." 

He yawned and stretched. "I'm useless these days. No wonder Billy's always gone. I'm so 
boring." 

"You're fine," I assured him. 

"Ugh, let's go outside. I need to walk around or I'll pass out again." 

"Jake, go back to sleep. I'm good. I'll call Edward to come pick me up." I patted my pockets 
as I spoke, and realized they were empty. "Shoot, I'll have to borrow your phone. I think I 
must have left his in the car." I started to unfold myself. 

"No!" Jacob insisted, grabbing my hand. "No, stay. You hardly ever make it down. I can't 
believe I wasted all this time." 

He pulled me off the couch as he spoke, and then led the way outside, ducking his head as he 
passed under the doorframe. It had gotten much cooler while Jacob slept; the air was 
unseasonably cold - there must be a storm on the way. It felt like February, not May. 

The wintry air seemed to make Jacob more alert. He paced back and forth in front of the 
house for a minute, dragging me along with him. 

"I'm an idiot," he muttered to himself. 

"What's the matter, Jake? So you fell asleep." I shrugged. 

"I wanted to talk to you. I can't believe this." 

"Talk to me now," I said. 

Jacob met my eyes for a second, and then looked away quickly toward the trees. It almost 
looked like he was blushing, but it was hard to tell with his dark skin. 

 

I suddenly remembered what Edward had said when he dropped me off - that Jacob would 
tell me whatever he was shouting in his head. I started gnawing on my lip. 

"Look," Jacob said. "I was planning to do this a little bit differently." He laughed, and it 
sounded like he was laughing at himself. "Smoother," he added. "I was going to work up to 
it, but" - and he looked at the clouds, dimmer as the afternoon progressed - "I'm out of time 
to work." 

He laughed again, nervous. We were still pacing slowly. 

"What are you talking about?" I demanded. 

He took a deep breath. "I want to tell you something. And you already know it . . . but I 
think I should say it out loud anyway. Just so there's never any confusion on the subject." 

I planted my feet, and he came to a stop. I took my hand away and folded my arms across my 
chest. I was suddenly sure that I didn't want to know what he was building up to. 

Jacob's eyebrows pulled down, throwing his deep-set eyes into shadow. They were pitch 
black as they bored into mine. 

"I'm in love with you, Bella," Jacob said in a strong, sure voice. "Bella, I love you. And I 
want you to pick me instead of him. I know you don't feel that way, but I need the truth out 
there so that you know your options. I wouldn't want a miscommunication to stand in our 
way." 

 

15. WAGER 

ISTARED AT HIM FOR A LONG MINUTE, SPEECHLESS. I could not think of one 
thing to say to him. 

As he watched my dumbfounded expression, the seriousness left his face. 

"Okay," he said, grinning. "That's all." 

"Jake -" It felt like there was something big sticking in my throat. I tried to clear the 
obstruction. "I can't - I mean I don't . . . I have to go." 

I turned, but he grabbed my shoulders and spun me around. 

"No, wait. Iknow that, Bella. But, look, answer me this, all right? Do you want me to go 
away and never see you again? Be honest." 

It was hard to concentrate on his question, so it took a minute to answer. "No, I don't want 
that," I finally admitted. 

Jacob grinned again. "See." 

"But I don't want you around for the same reason that you want me around," I objected. 

"Tell me exactly why you want me around, then." 

I thought carefully. "I miss you when you're not there. When you're happy," I qualified 
carefully, "it makes me happy. But I could say the same thing about Charlie, Jacob. You're 
family. I love you, but I'm notin love with you." 

He nodded, unruffled. "But you do want me around." 

"Yes." I sighed. He was impossible to discourag