t?" I asked her, my voice subdued. "Like that girl Bree in the meadow?"
There were many things I needed to think of, but I couldn't seem to get her out of my head,
the newborn whose other life was now - abruptly - over. Her face, twisted with desire for my
blood, lingered behind my eyelids.
Alice stroked my arm. "Everyone is different. But something like that, yes."
I was very still, trying to imagine.
"It passes," she promised.
"How soon?"
She shrugged. "A few years, maybe less. It might be different for you. I've never seen anyone
go through this who's chosen it beforehand. It should be interesting to see how that affects
you."
"Interesting," I repeated.
"We'll keep you out of trouble."
"I know that. I trust you." My voice was monotone, dead.
Alice's forehead puckered. "If you're worried about Carlisle and Edward, I'm sure they'll be
fine. I believe Sam is beginning to trust us . . . well, to trust Carlisle, at least. It's a good
thing, too. I imagine the atmosphere got a little tense when Carlisle had to rebreak the
fractures -"
"Please, Alice."
"Sorry."
I took a deep breath to steady myself. Jacob had begun healing too quickly, and some of his
bones had set wrong. He'd been out cold for the process, but it was still hard to think about.
"Alice, can I ask you a question? About the future?"
She was suddenly wary. "You know I don't see everything."
"It's not that, exactly. But youdo see my future, sometimes. Why is that, do you think, when
nothing else works on me? Not what Jane can do, or Edward or Aro . . ." My sentence trailed
off with my interest level. My curiosity on this point was fleeting, heavily overshadowed by
more pressing emotions.
Alice, however, found the question very interesting. "Jasper, too, Bella - his talent works on
your body just as well as it does on anyone else's. That's the difference, do you see it? Jasper's
abilities affect the body physically. He really does calm your system down, or excite it. It's
not an illusion. And I see visions of outcomes, not the reasons and thoughts behind the
decisions that create them. It's outside the mind, not an illusion, either; reality, or at least one
version of it. But Jane and Edward and Aro and Demetri - they workinside the mind. Jane
only creates an illusion of pain. She doesn't really hurt your body, you only think you feel it.
You see, Bella? You are safe inside your mind. No one can reach you there. It's no wonder
that Aro was so curious about your future abilities."
She watched my face to see if I was following her logic. In truth, her words had all started to
run together, the syllables and sounds losing their meaning. I couldn't concentrate on them.
Still, I nodded. Trying to look like I got it.
She wasn't fooled. She stroked my cheek and murmured, "He's going to be okay, Bella. I
don't need a vision to know that. Are you ready to go?"
"One more thing. Can I ask you another question about the future? I don't want specifics,
just an overview."
"I'll do my best," she said, doubtful again.
"Can you still see me becoming a vampire?"
"Oh, that's easy. Sure, I do."
I nodded slowly.
She examined my face, her eyes unfathomable. "Don't you know your own mind, Bella?"
"I do. I just wanted to be sure."
"I'm only as sure as you are, Bella. You know that. If you were to change your mind, what I
see would change . . . or disappear, in your case."
I sighed. "That isn't going to happen, though."
She put her arms around me. "I'm sorry. I can't reallyempathize. My first memory is of seeing
Jasper's face in my future; I always knew that he was where my life was headed. But I
cansympathize. I'm so sorry you have to choose between two good things."
I shook off her arms. "Don't feel sorry for me." There were people who deserved sympathy. I
wasn't one of them. And there wasn't any choice to make - there was just breaking a good
heart to attend to now. "I'll go deal with Charlie."
I drove my truck home, where Charlie was waiting just as suspiciously as Alice had expected.
"Hey, Bella. How was your shopping trip?" he greeted me when I walked into the kitchen.
He had his arms folded over his chest, his eyes on my face.
"Long," I said dully. "We just got back."
Charlie assessed my mood. "I guess you already heard about Jake, then?"
"Yes. The rest of the Cullens beat us home. Esme told us where Carlisle and Edward were."
"Are you okay?"
"Worried about Jake. As soon as I make dinner, I'm going down to La Push."
"I told you those motorcycles were dangerous. I hope this makes you realize that I wasn't
kidding around."
I nodded as I started pulling things out of the fridge. Charlie settled himself in at the table.
He seemed to be in a more talkative mood than usual.
"I don't think you need to worry about Jake too much. Anyone who can cuss with that kind
of energy is going to recover."
"Jake was awake when you saw him?" I asked, spinning to look at him.
"Oh, yeah, he was awake. You should have heard him - actually, it's better you didn't. I don't
think there was anyone in La Push whocouldn't hear him. I don't know where he picked up
that vocabulary, but I hope he hasn't been using that kind of language around you."
"He had a pretty good excuse today. How did he look?"
"Messed up. His friends carried him in. Good thing they're big boys, 'cause that kid's an
armful. Carlisle said his right leg is broken, and his right arm. Pretty much the whole right
side of his body got crushed when he wrecked that damn bike." Charlie shook his head. "If I
ever hear of you riding again, Bella -"
"No problem there, Dad. You won't. Do you really think Jake's okay?"
"Sure, Bella, don't worry. He was himself enough to tease me."
"Tease you?" I echoed in shock.
"Yeah - in between insulting somebody's mother and taking the Lord's name in vain, he said,
'Bet you're glad she loves Cullen instead of me today, huh, Charlie?'"
I turned back to the fridge so that he couldn't see my face.
"And I couldn't argue. Edward's more mature than Jacob when it comes to your safety, I'll
give him that much."
"Jacob's plenty mature," I muttered defensively. "I'm sure this wasn't his fault."
"Weird day today," Charlie mused after a minute. "You know, I don't put much stock in that
superstitious crap, but it was odd. . . . It was like Billy knew something bad was going to
happen to Jake. He was nervous as a turkey on Thanksgiving all morning. I don't think he
heard anything I said to him.
"And then, weirder than that - remember back in February and March when we had all that
trouble with the wolves?"
I bent down to get a frying pan out of the cupboard, and hid there an extra second or two.
"Yeah," I mumbled.
"I hope we're not going to have a problem with that again. This morning, we were out in the
boat, and Billy wasn't paying any attention to me or the fish, when all of a sudden, you could
hear wolves yowling in the woods. More than one, and, boy, was it loud. Sounded like they
were right there in the village. Weirdest part was, Billy turned the boat around and headed
straight back to the harbor like they were calling to him personally. Didn't even hear me ask
what he was doing.
"The noise stopped before we got the boat docked. But all of a sudden Billy was in the
biggest hurry not to miss the game, though we had hours still. He was mumbling some
nonsense about an earlier showing . . . of a live game? I tell you, Bella, it was odd.
"Well, he found some game he said he wanted to watch, but then he just ignored it. He was
on the phone the whole time, calling Sue, and Emily, and your friend Quil's grandpa.
Couldn't quite make out what he was looking for - he just chatted real casual with them.
"Then the howling started again right outside the house. I've never heard anything like it - I
had goose bumps on my arms. I asked Billy - had to shout over the noise - if he'd been setting
traps in his yard. It sounded like the animal was in serious pain."
I winced, but Charlie was so caught up in his story that he didn't notice.
"'Course I forgot all about that till just this minute, 'cause that's when Jake made it home.
One minute it was that wolf yowling, and then you couldn't hear it anymore - Jake's cussing
drowned it right out. Got a set of lungs on him, that boy does."
Charlie paused for a minute, his face thoughtful. "Funny that some good should come out of
this mess. I didn't think they were ever going to get over that fool prejudice they have against
the Cullens down there. But somebody called Carlisle, and Billy was real grateful when he
showed up. I thought we should get Jake up to the hospital, but Billy wanted to keep him
home, and Carlisle agreed. I guess Carlisle knows what's best. Generous of him to sign up for
such a long stretch of house calls."
"And . . ." he paused, as if unwilling to say something. He sighed, and then continued. "And
Edward was really . . . nice. He seemed as worried about Jacob as you are - like that was his
brother lying there. The look in his eyes . . ." Charlie shook his head. "He's a decent guy,
Bella. I'll try to remember that. No promises, though." He grinned at me.
"I won't hold you to it," I mumbled.
Charlie stretched his legs and groaned. "It's nice to be home. You wouldn't believe how
crowded Billy's little place gets. Seven of Jake's friends all squished themselves into that
little front room - I could hardly breathe. Have you ever noticed how big those Quileute kids
all are?"
"Yeah, I have."
Charlie stared at me, his eyes abruptly more focused. "Really, Bella, Carlisle said Jake will be
up and around in no time. Said it looked a lot worse than it was. He's going to be fine."
I just nodded.
Jacob had looked so . . . strangely fragile when I'd hurried down to see him as soon as Charlie
had left. He'd had braces everywhere - Carlisle said there was no point in plaster, as fast as he
was healing. His face had been pale and drawn, deeply unc