uard down.  I would have to control my every breath.  I would have to keep an always
cautious distance.
I would not make mistakes.
I finally understood that second future.  I'd been baffled by that vision-what
could possibly happen to result in Bella becoming a prisoner to this immortal half-life?
Now-devastated by longing for the girl-I could understand how I might, in
unforgivable selfishness, ask my father for that favor.  Ask him to take away her life and
her soul so that I could keep her forever.
She deserved better.
But I saw one more future, one thin wire that I might be able to walk, if I could
keep my balance.
Could I do it?  Be with her and leave her human?
Deliberately, I took a deep breath, and then another, letting her scent rip through
me like wildfire.  The room was thick with her perfume; her fragrance was layered on
every surface.  My head swam, but I fought the spinning.  I would have to get used to
this, if I were going to attempt any kind of relationship with her.  I took another deep,
burning breath.
I watched her sleeping until the sun rose behind the eastern clouds, plotting and
breathing.
I got home just after the others had left for school.  I changed quickly, avoiding Esme's
questioning eyes.  She saw the feverish light in my face, and she felt both worry and
relief.  My long melancholy had pained her, and she was glad it seemed to be over.
© 2008 Stephenie Meyer
  
111
I ran to school, arriving a few seconds after my siblings did.  They did not turn,
though Alice at least must have known that I stood here in the thick woods that bordered
the pavement.  I waited until no one was looking, and then I strolled casually from
between the trees into the lot full of parked cars.
I heard Bella's truck rumbling around the corner, and I paused behind a Suburban,
where I could watch without being seen.
She drove into the lot, glaring at my Volvo for a long moment before she parked
in one of the most distant spaces, a frown on her face.
It was strange to remember that she was probably still angry with me, and with
good reason.
I wanted to laugh at myself-or kick myself.  All my plotting and planning was
entirely moot if she didn't care for me, too, wasn't it?  Her dream could have been about
something completely random.  I was such an arrogant fool.
Well, it was so much the better for her if she didn't care for me.  That wouldn't
stop me from pursuing her, but I would give her fair warning as I pursued.  I owed her
that.
I walked silently forward, wondering how best to approach her.
She made it easy.  Her truck key slipped through her fingers as she got out, and
fell into a deep puddle.
She reached down, but I got to it first, retrieving it before she had to put her
fingers in the cold water.
I leaned back against her truck as she started and then straightened up.
"How do you
do
that?" she demanded.
Yes, she was still angry.
I offered her the key.  "Do what?"
She held her hand out, and I dropped the key in her palm.  I took a deep breath,
pulling in her scent.
"Appear out of thin air," she clarified.
"Bella, it's not my fault if you are exceptionally unobservant."  The words were
wry, almost a joke.  Was there anything she didn't see?
© 2008 Stephenie Meyer
  
112
Did she hear how my voice wrapped around her name like a caress?
She glared at me, not appreciating my humor.  Her heartbeat sped-from anger?
From fear?  After a moment, she looked down.
"Why the traffic jam last night?" she asked without meeting my eyes.  "I thought
you were supposed to be pretending I don't exist, not irritating me to death."
Still very angry.  It was going to take some effort to make things right with her.  I
remembered my resolve to be truthful with her...
"That was for Tyler's sake, not mine.  I had to give him his chance."  And then I
laughed.  I couldn't help it, thinking of her expression yesterday.
"You-" she gasped, and then broke off, appearing to be too furious to finish.
There it was-that same expression.  I choked back another laugh.  She was mad enough
already.
"And I'm not pretending you don't exist," I finished.  It was right to keep this
casual, teasing.  She would not understand if I let her see how I really felt.  I would
frighten her.  I had to keep my feelings in check, keep things light...
"So you
are
trying to irritate me to death?  Since Tyler's van didn't do the job?"
A quick flash of anger pulsed through me.  Could she honestly believe that?
It was irrational for me to be so affronted-she didn't know of the transformation
that had happened in the night.  But I was angry all the same.
"Bella, you are utterly absurd," I snapped.
Her face flushed, and she turned her back on me.  She began to walk away.
Remorse.  I had no right to my anger.
"Wait," I pleaded.
She did not stop, so I followed after her.
"I'm sorry, that was rude.  I'm not saying it isn't true" -it
was
absurd to imagine
that I wanted her harmed in any way- "but it was rude to say it, anyway."
"Why won't you leave me alone?"
Believe me
, I wanted to say.
I've tried
.
Oh, and also, I'm wretchedly in love with you.
Keep it light.
© 2008 Stephenie Meyer
  
113
"I wanted to ask you something, but you sidetracked me."  A course of action had
just occurred to me, and I laughed.
"Do you have a multiple personality disorder?" she asked.
It must seem that way.  My mood was erratic, so many new emotions coursing
through me.
"You're doing it again," I pointed out.
She sighed.  "Fine then.  What do you want to ask?"
"I was wondering if, a week from Saturday..." I watched the shock cross her face,
and choked back another laugh.  "You know, the day of the spring dance-"
She cut me off, finally returning her eyes to mine.  "Are you trying to be
funny
?"
Yes.  "Will you let me finish?"
She waited in silence, her teeth pressing into her soft lower lip.
That sight distracted me for a second.  Strange, unfamiliar reactions stirred deep
in my forgotten human core.  I tried to shake them off so I could play my role.
"I heard you say that you were going to Seattle that day, and I was wondering if
you wanted a ride?" I offered.  I'd realized that, better than just questioning her about her
plans, I might
share
them.
She stared at me blankly.  "What?"
"Do you want a ride to Seattle?"  Alone in a car with her-my throat burned at
the thought.  I took a deep breath.
Get used to it.
"With who?" she asked, her eyes wide and bewildered again.
"Myself, obviously," I said slowly.
"Why?"
Was it really such as shock that I would want her company?  She must have
applied the worst possible meaning to my past behavior.
"Well," I said as casually as possible, "I was planning to go to Seattle in the next
few weeks, and, to be honest, I'm not sure if your truck can make it."  It seemed safer to
tease her than to allow myself to be serious.
"My truck works just fine, thank you very much for your concern," she said in the
same surprised voice.  She started walking again.  I kept pace with her.
She hadn't really said no, so I pressed that advantage.
© 2008 Stephenie Meyer
  
114
Would she say no?  What would I do if she did?
"But can your truck make it there on one tank of gas?"
"I don't see how that is any of your business," she grumbled.
That still wasn't a no.  And her heart was beating faster again, her breath coming
more quickly.
"The wasting of finite resources is everyone's business."
"Honestly, Edward, I can't keep up with you.  I thought you didn't want to be my
friend."
A thrill shot through me when she spoke my name.
How to keep it light and yet be honest at the same time?  Well, it was more
important to be honest.  Especially on this point.
"I said it would be better if we weren't friends, not that I didn't want to be."
"Oh, thanks, now that's
all
cleared up," she said sarcastically.
She paused, under the edge of the cafeteria's roof, and met my gaze again.  Her
heartbeats stuttered.  Was she afraid?
I chose my words carefully.  No, I could not leave her, but maybe she would be
smart enough to leave me, before it was too late.
"It would be more...
prudent
for you not to be my friend."  Staring into the melted
chocolate depths of her eyes, I lost my hold on
light
.  "But I'm tired of trying to stay
away from you, Bella."  The words burned with much too much fervor.
Her breathing stopped and, in the second it took for it to restart, that worried me.
How much had I scared her?  Well, I would find out.
"Will you go to Seattle with me?" I demanded, point blank.
She nodded, her heart drumming loudly.
Yes
.  She'd said yes to
me
.
And then my conscious smote me.  What would this cost her?
"You really should stay away from me," I warned her.  Did she hear me?  Would
she escape the future I was threatening her with?  Couldn't I do anything to save her from
me
?
Keep it light
, I shouted at myself.  "I'll see you in class."
I had to concentrate to stop myself from running as I fled.
© 2008 Stephenie Meyer
  
115
© 2008 Stephenie Meyer
  
116
6.  Blood Type
I followed her all day through other people's eyes, barely aware of my own surroundings.
Not Mike Newton's eyes, because I couldn't stand any more of his offensive
fantasies, and not Jessica Stanley's, because her resentment toward Bella made me angry
in a way that was not safe for the petty girl.  Angela Weber was a good choice when her
eyes were available; she was kind-her head was an easy place to be.  And then
sometimes it was the teachers who provided the best view.
I was surprised, watching her stumble through the day-tripping over cracks in
the sidewalk, stray books, and, most often, her own feet-that the people I eavesdropped
on thought of Bella as
clumsy
.
I considered that.  It was true that she often had trouble staying upright.  I
remembered her stumbling into the desk that first day, sliding around on the ice bef