ore
the accident, falling over the low lip of the doorframe yesterday...  How odd, they were
right.  She
was
clumsy.
I didn't know why this was so funny to me, but I laughed out loud as I walked
from American History to English and several people shot me wary looks.  How had I
never noticed this before?  Perhaps because there was something very graceful about her
in stillness, the way she held her head, the arch of her neck...
There was nothing graceful about her now.  Mr. Varner watched as she caught the
toe of her boot on the carpet and literally fell into her chair.
I laughed again.
The time moved with incredible sluggishness while I waited for my chance to see
her with my own eyes.  Finally, the bell rang.  I strode quickly to the cafeteria to secure
my spot.  I was one of the first there.  I chose a table that was usually empty, and was
sure to remain that way with me seated here.
When my family entered and saw me sitting alone in a new place, they were not
surprised.  Alice must have warned them.
Rosalie stalked past me without a glance.
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Idiot
.
Rosalie and I had never had an easy relationship-I'd offended her the very first
time she'd heard me speak, and it was downhill from there-but it seemed like she was
even more ill-tempered than usual the last few days.  I sighed.  Rosalie made everything
about herself.
Jasper gave me half a smile as he walked by.
Good luck
, he thought doubtfully.
Emmett rolled his eyes and shook his head.
Lost his mind, poor kid.
Alice was beaming, her teeth shining too brightly.
Can I talk to Bella
now
??
"Keep out of it," I said under my breath.
Her face fell, and then brightened again.
Fine.  Be stubborn.  It's only a matter of time.
I sighed again.
Don't forget about today's biology lab,
she reminded me.
I nodded.  No, I hadn't forgotten that.
While I waited for Bella to arrive, I followed her in the eyes of the freshman who
was walking behind Jessica on his way to the cafeteria.  Jessica was babbling about the
upcoming dance, but Bella said nothing in response.  Not that Jessica gave her much of a
chance.
The moment Bella walked through the door, her eyes flashed to the table where
my siblings sat.  She stared for a moment, and then her forehead crumpled and her eyes
dropped to the floor.  She hadn't noticed me here.
She looked so...
sad
.  I felt a powerful urge to get up and go to her side, to
comfort her somehow, only I didn't know what she would find comforting.  I had no idea
what made her look that way.  Jessica continued to jabber about the dance.  Was Bella
sad that she was going to miss it?  That didn't seem likely...
But that could be remedied, if she wished.
She bought a drink for her lunch and nothing else.  Was that right?  Didn't she
need more nutrition than that?  I'd never paid much attention to a human's diet before.
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Humans were quite exasperatingly fragile!  There were a million different things
to worry about...
"Edward Cullen is staring at you again," I heard Jessica say.  "I wonder why he's
sitting alone today?"
I was grateful to Jessica-though she was even more resentful now-because
Bella's head snapped up and her eyes searched until they met mine.
There was no trace of sadness in her face now.  I let myself hope that she'd been
sad because she'd thought I'd left school early, and that hope made me smile.
I motioned with my finger for her to join me.  She looked so startled by this that I
wanted to tease her again.
So I winked, and her mouth fell open.
"Does he mean
you
?" Jessica asked rudely.
"Maybe he needs help with his Biology homework," she said in a low, uncertain
voice.  "Um, I'd better go see what he wants."
This was another yes.
She stumbled twice on her way to my table, though there was nothing in her way
but perfectly even linoleum.  Seriously, how
had
I missed this before?  I'd been paying
more attention to her silent thoughts, I supposed...  What else had I missed?
Keep it honest, keep it light
, I chanted to myself.
She stopped behind the chair across from me, hesitating.  I inhaled deeply,
through my nose this time rather than my mouth.
Feel the burn
, I thought dryly.
"Why don't you sit with me today?" I asked her.
She pulled the chair out and sat, staring at me the whole while.  She seemed
nervous, but her physical acceptance was yet another yes.
I waited for her to speak.
It took a moment, but, finally, she said, "This is different."
"Well..." I hesitated.  "I decided as long as I was going to hell, I might as well do
it thoroughly."
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What had made me say that?  I supposed it was honest, at least.  And perhaps
she'd hear the unsubtle warning my words implied.  Maybe she would realize that she
should get up and walk away as quickly as possible...
She didn't get up.  She stared at me, waiting, as if I'd left my sentence unfinished.
"You know I don't have any idea what you mean," she said when I didn't
continue.
That was a relief.  I smiled.
"I know."
It was hard to ignore the thoughts screaming at me from behind her back-and I
wanted to change the subject anyway.
"I think your friends are angry at me for stealing you."
This did not appear to concern her.  "They'll survive."
"I may not give you back, though."  I didn't even know if I was trying to be
honest now, or just trying to tease her again.  Being near her made it hard to make sense
of my own thoughts.
Bella swallowed loudly.
I laughed at her expression.  "You look worried."  It really
shouldn't
be funny...
She should worry.
"No."  She was a bad liar; it didn't help that her voice broke.  "Surprised,
actually....  What brought this on?"
"I told you," I reminded her.  "I got tired of trying to stay away from you.  So I'm
giving up."  I held my smile in place with a bit of effort.  This wasn't working at all-
trying to be honest and casual at the same time.
"Giving up?" she repeated, baffled.
"Yes-giving up trying to be good."  And, apparently, giving up trying to be
casual.  "I'm just going to do what I want now, and let the chips fall where they may."
That was honest enough.  Let her see my selfishness.  Let that warn her, too.
"You lost me again."
I was selfish enough to be glad that this was the case.  "I always say too much
when I'm talking to you-that's one of the problems."
A rather insignificant problem, compared to the rest.
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"Don't worry," she reassured me. "I don't understand any of it."
Good.  Then she'd stay.  "I'm counting on that."
"So, in plain English, are we friends now?"
I pondered that for a second.  "Friends..." I repeated.  I didn't like the sound of
that.  It wasn't enough.
"Or not," she mumbled, looking embarrassed.
Did she think I didn't like her that much?
I smiled.  "Well, we can try, I suppose.  But I'm warning you now that I'm not a
good friend for you."
I waited for her response, torn in two-wishing she would finally hear and
understand, thinking I might die if she did.  How melodramatic.  I was turning into such a
human.
Her heart beat faster.  "You say that a lot."
"Yes, because you're not listening to me," I said, too intense again.  "I'm still
waiting for you to believe it.  If you're smart, you'll avoid me."
Ah, but would I allow her to do that, if she tried?
Her eyes tightened.  "I think you've made your opinion on the subject of my
intellect clear, too."
I wasn't exactly sure what she meant, but I smiled in apology, guessing that I
must have offended her accidentally.
"So," she said slowly.  "As long as I'm being...not smart, we'll try to be friends?"
"That sounds about right."
She looked down, staring intently at the lemonade bottle in her hands.
The old curiosity tormented me.
"What are you thinking?" I asked-it was a relief to say the words out loud at
last.
She met my gaze, and her breathing sped while her cheeks flushed faint pink.  I
inhaled, tasting that in the air.
"I'm trying to figure out what you are."
I held the smile on my face, locking my features that way, while panic twisted
through my body.
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Of course she was wondering that.  She wasn't stupid.  I couldn't hope for her to
be oblivious to something so obvious.
"Are you having any luck with that?" I asked as lightly as I could manage.
"Not too much," she admitted.
I chuckled in sudden relief.  "What are your theories?"
They couldn't be worse than the truth, no matter what she'd come up with.
Her cheeks turned brighter red, and she said nothing.  I could feel the warmth of
her blush in the air.
I tried using my persuasive tone on her.  It worked well on normal humans.
"Won't you tell me?"  I smiled encouragingly.
She shook her head.  "Too embarrassing."
Ugh.  Not knowing was worse than anything else.  Why would her speculations
embarrass her?  I couldn't stand not knowing.
"That's
really
frustrating, you know."
My complaint sparked something in her.  Her eyes flashed and her words flowed
more swiftly than usual.
"No, I can't
imagine
why that would be frustrating at all-just because someone
refuses to tell you what they're thinking, even if all the while they're making cryptic little
remarks specifically designed to keep you up at night wondering what they could
possibly mean...now, why would that be frustrating?"
I frowned at her, upset to realize that she was right.  I wasn't being fair.
She went on.  "Or better, say that person also did a wide range of bizarre things-
from saving your life under impossible circumstances one day to treating you like a
pariah the next, and he never explained any of that either, even after he promised.  That,
also, would be
very
non-frustrating."
It was the longest speech I'd ever heard her make, and it gave me a new quality
for my list.
"You've got a bit of a temper, don't you?"
"I don't like double sta