y radiating out of me,
surely that much was obvious.  I would frighten her even more if I could not calm the lust
for slaughter boiling inside me.
I needed to think about something else.
"Distract me, please," I pleaded.
"I'm sorry, what?"
I barely had enough control to try to explain what I needed.
"Just prattle about something unimportant until I calm down," I instructed, my
jaw still locked.  Only the fact that she needed me held me inside the car.  I could hear the
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man's thoughts, his disappointment and anger...  I knew where to find him...  I closed
my eyes, wishing that I couldn't see anyway...
"Um..."  She hesitated-trying to make sense of my request, I imagined.  "I'm
going to run over Tyler Crowley tomorrow before school?"  She said this like it was a
question.
Yes-this was what I needed.  Of course Bella would come up with something
unexpected.  Like it had been before, the threat of violence coming through her lips was
hilarious-so comical it was jarring.  If I had not been burning with the urge to kill, I
would have laughed.
"Why?" I barked out, to force her to speak again.
"He's telling everyone that he's taking me to prom," she said, her voice filled
with her tiger-kitten outrage.  "Either he's insane or he's still trying to make up for
almost killing me last...well you remember it," she inserted dryly, "and he thinks
prom
is
somehow the correct way to do this.  So I figure if I endanger his life, then we're even,
and he can't keep trying to make amends.  I don't need enemies and maybe Lauren would
back off if he left me alone.  I might have to total his Sentra, though," she went on,
thoughtful now.  "If he doesn't have a ride he can't take anyone to prom..."
It was encouraging to see that she sometimes got things wrong.  Tyler's
persistence had nothing to do with the accident.  She didn't seem to understand the appeal
she held for the human boys at the high school.  Did she not see the appeal she had for
me, either?
Ah, it was working.  The baffling processes of her mind were always engrossing.

I was beginning to gain control of myself, to see something beyond vengeance and
torture...
"I heard about that," I told her.  She had stopped talking, and I needed her to
continue.
"
You
did?" she asked incredulously.  And then her voice was angrier than before.
"If he's paralyzed from the neck down, he can't go to the prom either."
I wished there was someway I could ask her to continue with the threats of death
and bodily harm with out sounding insane.  She couldn't have picked a better way to
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calm me.  And her words-just sarcasm in her case, hyperbole-were a reminder I dearly
needed in this moment.
I sighed, and opened my eyes.
"Better?" she asked timidly.
"Not really."
No, I was calmer, but not better.  Because I'd just realized that I could not kill the
monster named Lonnie, and I still wanted that more than almost anything else in the
world.  Almost.
The only thing in this moment that I wanted more than to commit a highly
justifiable murder, was this girl.  And, though I couldn't have her, just the dream of
having her made it impossible for me to go on a killing spree tonight-no matter how
defensible such a thing might be.
Bella deserved better than a killer.
I'd spent seven decades trying to be something other than that-anything other
than a killer.  Those years of effort could never make me worthy of the girl sitting beside
me.  And yet, I felt that if I returned to that life-the life of a killer-for even one night, I
would surely put her out of my reach forever.  Even if I didn't drink their blood-even if
I didn't have that evidence blazing red in my eyes-wouldn't she sense the difference?
I was trying to be good enough for her.  It was an impossible goal.  I would keep
trying.
"What's wrong?" she whispered.
Her breath filled my nose, and I was reminded why I could not deserve her.  After
all of this, even with as much as I loved her...she still made my mouth water.
I would give her as much honesty as I could.  I owed her that.
"Sometimes I have a problem with my temper, Bella."  I stared out into the black
night, wishing both that she would hear the horror inherent in my words and also that she
would not.  Mostly that she would not.
Run, Bella, run.  Stay, Bella, stay.
"But it
wouldn't
be helpful for me to turn around and hunt down those..."  Just thinking about it
almost pulled me from the car.  I took a deep breath, letting her scent scorch down my
throat.  "At least, that's what I'm trying to convince myself."
"Oh."
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She said nothing else.  How much had she heard in my words?  I glanced at her
furtively, but her face was unreadable.  Blank with shock, perhaps.  Well, she wasn't
screaming.  Not yet.
It was quiet for a moment.  I warred with myself, trying to be what I should be.
What I couldn't be.
"Jessica and Angela will be worried," she said quietly.  Her voice was very calm,
and I was not sure how that could be.
Was
she in shock?  Maybe tonight's events hadn't
sunk in for her yet.  "I was supposed to meet them."
Did she want to be away from me?  Or was she just worried about her friends'
worry?
I didn't answer her, but I started the car and took her back.  Every inch closer I
got to the town, the harder it was to hold on to my purpose.  I was just so
close
to him...
If it was impossible-if I could never have nor deserve this girl-then where was
the sense in letting the man go unpunished?  Surely I could allow myself that much...
No.  I wasn't giving up.  Not yet.  I wanted her too much to surrender.
We were at the restaurant where she was supposed to meet her friends before I'd
even begun to make sense of my thoughts.  Jessica and Angela were finished eating, and
both now truly worried about Bella.  They were on their way to search for her, heading
off along the dark street.
It was not a good night for them to be wandering-
"How did you know where...?" Bella's unfinished question interrupted me, and I
realized that I had made yet another gaffe.  I'd been too distracted to remember to ask her
where she was supposed to meet her friends.
But, instead of finishing the inquiry and pressing the point, Bella just shook her
head and half-smiled.
What did
that
mean?
Well, I didn't have time to puzzle over her strange acceptance of my stranger
knowledge.  I opened my door.
"What are you doing?" she asked, sounding startled.
Not letting you out of my sight.  Not allowing myself to be alone tonight.  In that
order.
"I'm taking you to dinner."
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Well this should be interesting.  It seemed like another night entirely when I'd
imagined bringing Alice along and pretending to choose the same restaurant as Bella and
her friends by accident.  And now, here I was, practically on a date with the girl.  Only it
didn't count, because I wasn't giving her a chance to say no.
She already had her door half open before I'd walked around the car-it wasn't
usually so frustrating to have to move at an inconspicuous speed-instead of waiting for
me to get it for her.  Was this because she wasn't used to being treated like a lady, or
because she didn't think of me as a gentleman?
I waited for her to join me, getting more anxious as her girlfriends continued in
toward the dark corner.
"Go stop Jessica and Angela before I have to track them down, too," I ordered
quickly.  "I don't think I could restrain myself if I ran into your other friends again."  No,
I would not be strong enough for that.
She shuddered, and then quickly collected herself.  She took half a step after
them, calling, "Jess!  Angela!" in a loud voice.  They turned, and she waved her arm over
her head to catch their attention.
Bella!  Oh, she's safe!
Angela thought with relief.
Late much?
Jessica grumbled to herself, but she, too, was thankful that Bella
wasn't lost or hurt.  This made me like her a little more than I had.
They hurried back, and then stopped, shocked, when they saw me beside her.
Uh
-uh
!
Jess thought, stunned.
No freaking way!
Edward Cullen? Did she go away by herself to find him?  But why would she ask
about them being out of town if she knew he was here...
I got a brief flash of Bella's
mortified expression when she'd asked Angela if my family was often absent from
school.
No, she couldn't have known,
Angela decided.
Jessica's thoughts were moving past the surprise and on to suspicion.
Bella's
been holding out on me.
"Where have you been?" she demanded, staring at Bella, but peeking at me from
the corner of her eye.
"I got lost.  And then I ran into Edward," Bella said, waving one hand toward me.
Her tone was remarkably normal.  Like that was truly all that had happened.
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She must be in shock.  That was the only explanation for her calm.
"Would it be all right if I joined you?" I asked-to be polite; I knew that they'd
already eaten.
Holy
crap
but he's hot!
Jessica thought, her head suddenly slightly incoherent.
Angela wasn't much more composed.
Wish we hadn't eaten.  Wow. Just.  Wow.
Now why couldn't I do that to Bella?
"Er...sure," Jessica agreed.
Angela frowned.  "Um, actually, Bella, we already ate while we were waiting,"
she admitted.  "Sorry."
What?  Shut up!
Jess complained internally.
Bella shrugged casually.  So at ease.  Definitely in shock.  "That's fine-I'm not
hungry."
"I think you should eat something," I disagreed.  She needed sugar in her
bloodstream-though it smelled sweet enough as it was, I thought wryly.  The horror was
going to come crashing down on her momentarily, and an empty stomach wouldn't help.
She was an easy fainter, as I knew from experience.
These girls wouldn't be in any danger if they went straight home.  Danger didn't
stalk
their
every step.
And I'd rather be alone w